What I Learned in 42 Days of Rehab

I spent 42 days in rehab with a small group, and I had a great experience. The first week alone cost me $3,000. The rest would have cost more than $30,000, but a former participant who’d made his money in oil had helped fund a scholarship program. I got lucky and paid only a small part of that remaining cost. Most people don’t have that option, and I’m conscious of that when I talk about what I learned there.

The day-to-day work helped. Looking back, the biggest changes came from having new experiences that changed what I believed about myself and what I could handle. That moved me forward the fastest. A belief can feel very convincing when all you have to go on is the same set of experiences you’ve been repeating for years. It takes some care to give yourself something different to go on.

Here’s what I mean. Suppose a man believes that talking honestly about a difficult feeling will make him a burden. He keeps it to himself, feels more alone, and sees that loneliness as another reason to stay quiet. From inside that pattern, keeping quiet can seem sensible. He hasn’t had much opportunity to find out what a carefully chosen conversation might be like.

If he shares a little with someone trustworthy and that person listens, he has a specific experience to consider. One conversation won’t tell him that everyone is safe to talk to. It might give him a reason to loosen the belief that he always has to handle everything alone. The details matter: who he talks to, what he shares, and what actually happens. He can learn from those details rather than trying to force himself to believe something reassuring.

That’s why experiences and beliefs sit near the top of the model I use in coaching today. I explain it in What Is the Neural Cascade? The question I carry forward from those 42 days is a practical one: what could help a man find out, through an experience of his own, that he has more options than he currently believes?

John Wiggains
Founder of Mental Myst